"A Wonderful Assortment of Pastries"

Of Principalities and Powers ~ “A Wonderful Assortment of Pastries”


“Ace, I’ve never been so embarrassed! Your stomach kept rumbling all through dinner. I’ve heard jackhammers that made less racket!”

“I’m sorry, Patty. When the Pelosis invited us to the victory dinner, I decided to skip lunch. I figured they’d lay out a big spread, and I wanted to save a lot of room for the banquet. When we walked in and I saw everything spread out there, my mouth started to water. Then when Nancy began to take things off the table, I just couldn’t believe it. My stomach went into panic.”

“Don’t be silly, Ace. All she took off the table was the impeachment. That wasn’t even the main course.”

“You must have been too busy swapping recipes with Nancy to watch what she was doing. When she carried the impeachment back to the kitchen, all kinds of other things went with it.”

“Leave it to you to have eyes for nothing but the table. Men!”

“Well, I thought there were some things you would have liked to try, too, but she just whisked them away.”

“Like what, for instance?”

“Patty, when she took away the impeachment, the meat dishes all went too. Torture, kidnapping, illegal wiretapping, election rigging, lying to start a war… all the meaty items were there for just a minute, and then they disappeared, before I could stick a fork in them.”

“Is that what happened? Darn, I was really looking forward to trying them. I’ve heard they were the genuine article.”

“Well, I guess we’ll never know. I’m just so hungry for something substantial that I can’t wait to get home and see what’s in the fridge.”

“Ace, there is absolutely no excuse for your still being hungry. You were there when Nancy said, ‘Let them eat cake,’ and they brought out a wonderful assortment of pastries. You ate more than anybody else. I kept hoping nobody else was counting how many times you went back to the table.”

“Patty, if nobody is supposed to notice everything that went back into the kitchen, surely they can pretend they didn’t see how much cake I ate.”

“I’ll bet Nancy was counting, even if she was too polite to say anything.”

“Look, Patty, can we talk about something besides my appetite?”

“Oh, all right, Ace. Say, did you notice that pretty blue dress Monica was wearing?”

“Are you kidding? How could I miss it? It’s the same dress she was wearing a few years ago when they put her on the table to sing and dance!”

© Tony Russell, 2007